After a heavy run of health cuts and political manoeuvring, Jeremy Cordeaux lightened the mood on this Garage edition of the Court of Public Opinion with one of his favourite kinds of segment: a wander through the strangest, most gloriously useless inventions ever to make somebody rich. The lesson, delivered with a chuckle, was vintage Cordeaux — there’s a sucker born every minute, and someone always ready to sell to them.
The Rock That Made A Millionaire
Top of the list was the pet rock — quite literally a stone in a box. It has no needs, requires no feeding, and is impossibly easy to look after. It was also a sensation. Its creator, Gary Dahl, became a millionaire almost overnight, selling more than five million of them at $3.95 each back in 1975. Each rock arrived with a 32-page training booklet explaining how to make it sit and stay. Genius, Jeremy suggested, isn’t always complicated.
Fear Of Missing Out, 1970s Style
His favourite may have been the simplest scam of all. Someone placed a newspaper ad reading, in effect: this is your last chance to send in your dollar today — with nothing but a box number attached. Hundreds of thousands of people, gripped by the fear of missing out, sent in their dollar just to see what would happen.
The beauty of it, Jeremy noted, is that the man promised nothing, so he couldn’t get into trouble. Only in America, he laughed — a perfect distillation of human curiosity turned into profit.
Diet Water And Other Wonders
The parade continued. There was diet water, marketed as zero calories and zero carbs — which, Jeremy pointed out, is exactly what ordinary tap water gives you. There was the DVD rewinder, a motorised device built to rewind discs that don’t need rewinding. There were little umbrellas you attach to your shoes, and years of effort poured into cultivating square watermelons and straight bananas.
Some, like the pet rock, made fortunes. Others went nowhere. The difference, Jeremy implied, often had less to do with the product than with the pitch.
Never Give A Sucker An Even Break
Behind the laughter sat a genuine observation about human nature. People, Jeremy marvelled, will pay for almost anything if it’s packaged with enough wit or urgency. There are, he said, millions born every minute — and, reaching for the old W.C. Fields line, never give a sucker an even break.
It was a segment offered purely for fun — a reminder, between the serious stuff, that the world is full of harmless absurdity, and a gentle nudge: the next time something promises the earth for a dollar, remember the man with the box number, and the five million people who bought a rock.
Listen To The Full Episode
Catch the complete Garage edition of The Court of Public Opinion, recorded live around the dining room table.
Watch The Full Episode
The Court of Public Opinion streams live every Friday from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. (ACST), right here at jeremycordeaux.com. Download the podcast anytime on your favourite podcast app, and join the conversation with your calls and comments.
